John Laughlin

Amy Grady: "Didn't your mother teach you to wash your hands after you went to the bathroom?"
Bobby Grady: "Nope, she taught me not to piss on my fingers."

Bobby Grady: "Sorry, I'm not too good at this. It's my first time."
China: "Are you that desperate or that horny?"
Bobby Grady: "Uh... no. Married."
China: "Oh, THAT desperate and THAT horny!"

Bobby Grady: "You remind me of this hamster I had when I was a kid."
China: "I remind you of a *hamster*?"
Bobby Grady: "Yep. He ran away whenever you tried to touch him. So I wanted to show him there was nothing to be afraid of. So one day I just picked him up real fast and I just held him."
China: "And he turned tender and loving..."
Bobby Grady: "Nope. He shit in my hand."

Bobby Grady: "I wanna' know what's bugging you. Is it the way I eat? Why did you pour all that maple syrup on my pancakes?"
Amy Grady: "It was a mistake, all right?"
Bobby Grady: "Was it?"
Amy Grady: "What do you think, I'm trying to poison you with maple syrup?"