Cedric the Entertainer

Rashad: "How much you charge for them weaves?"
Draya: "If you want to be Destiny's Child Beyoncé that's gonna cost you two hundred dollars. And if you want to be Beyoncé featuring Jay Z: boom, boom...."
[Draya shows her ass and moves from side to side]
Eddie: "With all that ass she ain't safe nowhere."

"You want tact, call a tactician. You want an ass nailed, you come see Gus Petch."

"I'm gonna nail your ass!"

Gus Petch: "I'm an ass nailer."
Marylin: "So I see."
Gus Petch: "Gym four times a week. Hour and a half, plus stretching. Life circle. Life step. Life circuit. Gus Petch don't pussyfoot around."

Gus Petch: "You seem to be taking it pretty good. I've seen 'em come in here, weep and wail like Baptists at a funeral. Like they hired me to prove their husbands weren't fooling around."
Marylin: "Don't get me wrong, Mr..."
Gus Petch: "Petch. Gus Petch."
Marylin: "Whilst I don't find this terribly amusing, I am delighted that you found this material. This is going to be my passport to wealth, independence... and freedom."
Gus Petch: "Sounds to me that you gonna nail his ass."

Marylin: "I thought he'd outgrown trains."
Gus Petch: "They never grow up, they just get tubby."

Gus Petch: "...and those Rottweilers were a menace, man!"
Miles: "I told you she had dogs."
Gus Petch: "You didn't tell me they had a hard on for Anus Africanus!"

Eddie: "Did she just say fleek? There's a whole dictionary full of words. There's a library down the street, you won't see fleek in there nowhere."
Jerrod: "He funny. He make me laugh."