David Koechner

"I believe in two things: Chicken, and that the census is a way for the UN to make your children gay."

"We use mainly bats."

Ron: "Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast."
Champ: "It jumped up a notch."
Ron: "It did, didn't it?"
Brick: "Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart."
Ron: "I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?"
Brick: "Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident."
Ron: "Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder."

Ed: "A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining about a lack of diversity on the news team."
Champ: "What in the hell's diversity?"
Ron: "Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era."
Ed: "Ron, I would be surprised if the affiliates were concerned about the lack of an old, old wooden ship, but nice try."

Ron: Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?"
Brian: "Brian Fantana."
Champ: "Champ Kind."
Brick: "Brian Fantana."
Brian: "No, you're Brick."
Brick: "Brian."
Brian: "I'm Brian."
Brick: "Veronica."

Champ Kind: "I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again."
Wes Mantooth: "Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint!"
Ron Burgundy: "Hey, let's leave the mothers out of this!"

Brian: "Where is the suit store? We've been walking for forty-five minutes."
Champ: "Brick, I thought you said this was a shortcut."
Brick: "Fantastic."
Ron: "Well, is it a shortcut or not?"
Brick: "Okay."

Howard: "We should have gone to stay with my brother!"
Linda: "Your brother lives in a barn!"
Howard: "Jesus was born in a barn!"