James Woods

"I killed my own father, padre. I got no trouble killing you."

"Hey, Valek! Why don't you prove you can kick my ass! Come on, untie me, you prick! Fucking pole-smoking fashion victim!"

Jack Crow: "You ever seen a vampire?"
Father Adam Guiteau: "No I haven't."
Jack Crow: "No... well, first of all, they're not romatic. Its not like they're a bunch of fuckin' fags hoppin' around in rented formal wear and seducing everybody in sight with cheesy Euro-trash accents, all right? Forget whatever you've seen in the movies: they don't turn into bats, crosses don't work. Garlic? You wanna try garlic? You could stand there with garlic around your neck and one of these buggers will bend you fucking over and take a walk up your strada-chocolata while he's suckin' the blood outta your neck, all right? And they don't sleep in coffins lined in taffata. You wanna kill one, you drive a wooden stake right through his fuckin' heart. Sunlight turns 'em into crispy critters."

Cardinal Alba: "I've realized I've only one... alternative, and I made a bargain. With the devil if you wish."
Jack Crow: "You are truly a pile of dog shit, Cardinal."
Cardinal Alba: "Yeah, that's right."

Jack Crow: "Your a good man padre... welcome to the team."
Father Adam Guiteau: "May God forgive me."

"Let me just ask you one thing... after 600 years, how's that dick workin', pretty good?"

Jack Crow: "Valek is the original! The source of the disease! The first vampire created by the Catholic Church..."
Father Adam Guiteau: "By accident..."
Jack Crow: "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Father Adam Guiteau: "You didn't tell me they could do that!"
Jack Crow: "I didn't know they could do that!"