Kristen Bell

"Sometimes I take the balls and shove them up there too because at least, you know, they're firm."

Gayle Buckley: "You were issued a private investigator's license for your 18th birthday? Heh. Is that something California kids do?"
Veronica Mars: "My dad is a PI. I worked for him. It was more answering phones and handling his travel than anything else."
Gayle Buckley: "Really? Before you were 20, your name popped up on LexisNexis in 14..."
Leonard March: "15"
Gayle Buckley: "Fifteen separate articles or briefs in cases ranging from multiple homicides to dognapping. You have a degree in psychology, Miss Mars. What do you think that says about a person?"
Veronica Mars: "Compulsive, clearly. Addictive personality. Possible adrenaline junkie."

Carla: "I made out with so many women tonight."
Kiki: "Guys, I really like whippets."

Amy: "I haven't had sex since my divorce. What if I get someone who's not circumcised?"
Kiki: "Run out of the room screaming. It's like finding a gun in the street, just scream and get out of there."

Carla: "Holy f*ck, is that your mom bra! It looks like you have one long boob."
Kiki: "It's a uniboob."
Amy: "This is my sexy bra!"
Carla: "You don't even have any cleavage!"
Kiki: "Is it bullet proof?"
Carla: "Definitely water proof. It looks like you wrapped an ACE bandage around yourself like three times."
Kiki: "Yeah, I don't want to touch it. Is it hard? ... Oh, my God."
Carla: "It's like an eye mask, like you put it in the fridge!"
Kiki: "You've got a very 'Boys Don't Cry' thing happening right now."
Amy: "Is it that bad? [Kiki and Carla start poking Amy's bra and laugh] It's so comfortable."

Baker's Wife: "What are you wearing?"
Jon Baker: "My uniform."

Carla: "First of all, you're so not a failure as a mother. In fact, you're the best mother that we've ever seen."
Kiki: "True that!"
Carla: "You give your kids salad. Your remember your kids birthdays! I mean, I've sat here and watched you wait until your kid fell asleep before you got high."
Amy: "Most moms do that, Carla."

Kiki: "Amy, hi!"
Amy: "I was calling to see if you'd like to join me at the movies this afternoon."
Kiki: "Are we allowed to do that?"