Dax Shepard

Ponch: "Okay, we need to focus." [gets distracted]
Jon Baker: "Are you kidding me right now?"
Ponch: "I'm just like kind of powerless to when it comes to yoga pants, you know."
Jon Baker: "Let's get you out of this parking lot, you have a visible erection. You think you can ride with that?"
Ponch: "I don't know."

Jon Baker: "I need to get into some warm water."
Ponch: "I'm not going to carry you there!"
Jon Baker: "I saved your life yesterday."
Ponch: "Oh, my God! I knew you were going to bring it up."
Jon Baker: "Grab me and get it over with."

"No matter how good an idea seems like when you're angry, it never is."

Jon Baker: "We're like Jay Z and Beyoncé. We are ride or die."
Ponch: "I'm Jay Z."

Sgt. Hernandez: "Jon, I like you. You remind me of my husband."
Jon Baker: "He is really handsome."
Sgt. Hernandez: "You've had 23 surgeries... you can ride a motorcycle, I'll give you that."
Jon Baker: "Yes, ma'am. Like a motherf..."
Sgt. Hernandez: "No."

Ponch: "It's like you're three beers too intimate."
Jon Baker: [mocking Ponch] "I'm a tough motorcycle cop. I got no emotion."

Baker's Wife: "What are you wearing?"
Jon Baker: "My uniform."

Jon Baker: [in his underwear] "What's up, I'm Jon."
Ponch: "Poncherello."
Jon Baker: "Awesome, man, we're partners. Let's keep this up with a real thing."
[he tries to hug Ponch, but is pushed away]
Ponch: "Woh, dude."
Jon Baker: "If you're homophobic or whatever, that's cool."
Ponch: "No. No, no, no, no, no... you think I'm homophobic...?"
Brian Grieves: "Jon Baker the Baker?"
[Ponch watches as Baker and Grieves hug tight both in their underwear]