Alex Winter

Evil Duke: "Put them in the iron maiden."
Ted: "Iron Maiden?"
Bill, Ted: "Excellent!"
[playing air guitar]
Evil Duke: "Execute them."
Bill, Ted: "Bogus!"

Bill: "You ditched Napoleon!"
Ted: "Deacon, do you realize you have just stranded one of Europe's greatest leaders in San Dimas?"
Deacon: "He was a dick."

"You killed Ted, you medieval dickweed!"

Ted: "Now your dad's going for it in your own room!"
Bill: "Shut up, Ted."
Ted: "Your stepmom *is* cute, though."
Bill: "Shut up, Ted!"
Ted: "Remember when I asked her to the prom?"
Bill: "SHUT UP, TED!"

Bill: "It is indeed a pleasure to introduce to you a gentleman we picked up in medieval Mongolia in the year 1269."
Ted: "Please welcome, the very excellent barbarian..."
Ted, Bill: "...MR. GENGHIS KHAN!"
[applause]
Ted: "This is a dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China, and who, we were told, 2 hours ago, totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods."

Missy: "Hi, Bill. Want a ride?"
Bill: "Sure, Missy... I mean, Mom."
Ted: "Your stepmom's cute."
Bill: "Shut up, Ted."
Ted:" Remember when she was a senior and we were freshmen?"
Bill: "Shut up, Ted!"

Ted: "Dude, are you sure we should be doing this?"
Bill: "Ted, you and I have witnessed many things, but nothing as bodacious as what just happened. Besides, we told ourselves to listen to this guy."
Ted: "What if we were lying?"
Bill: "Why would we lie to ourselves?"

Bill: "Okay, Ted, George Washington. One: the father of our country."
Ted: "Two: born on President's Day."
Bill: "Three: the dollar-bill guy."
Ted: "Bill, you ever made a mushroom out of his head? It's like, just like..."
Bill: "Ted. Alaska."
Ted: "Okay. Um... Had wooden teeth, chased Moby Dick."
Bill: "That's Captain Ahab, dude."