Will Arnett

Batman: "Hey mom, hey dad, I, um, I saved the city again today. I think you would have been really proud."
Alfred: "There you are!"
[Batman, shocked by Alfreds sudden aappearance, kicks him accross the room]
Batman: "Alfred, I am so sorry. I have incredible reflexes."
Alfred: "I should have known better than to have sneaked up on you like that. Were you looking at the old family pictures again?"
Batman: "No, I wasn't."
Alfred: "Sir, I have seen you go through similar phases in 2016 and 2012 and 2008 and 2005 and 1997 and 1995 and 1992 and 1989 and that weird one in 1966."
Batman: "I have aged phenomenally."
Alfred: "Do you want to walk about how you're feeling?"
Batman: "What! No! I don't want to do that!"
Alfred: "Sir."
Batman: "No!"
Alfred: "Sir."
Batman: "No, no, no, no, no."
Alfred: "Sir ..."
Batman: "No, no, no, no, no, no ..."

Batman: "Are you ready to follow Batman and maybe learn a few life lessons along the way?"
Robin: "I sure am, but first where's the seatbelt?"
Batman: "The first lesson is: Life doesn't give you seat belts!"

Alfred: "Master Bruce, your greatest fear is..."
Batman: "Snakes?"
Alfred: "No."
Batman: "It's clowns."
Alfred: "No. it's being part of a family again."
Batman: "Nope. Now it's snake clown because you put that idea in my head."

The Joker: "Hi, Batman!"
Robin: "No way!"
The Joker: "Come catch your greatest enemy."
Batman: "Superman is my greatest enemy."
Robin: "Superman's not a bad guy!"
Batman: "Then I'd say that I don't currently have a bad guy. I am fighting a few different people."
[Joker looks angry]
Batman: "I like to fight around."

Barbara Gordon: "Hi. Barbara Gordon. New police commissioner. It's my dream for the police force to team up with Batman."
Bruce Wayne: "What?!"
Barbara Gordon: "Wouldn't that be better?"
Bruce Wayne: "I hate everything you just said."

Robin: "Wow, do I get a costume?"
Batman: "Don't touch that."
Puter: "The Mariachi."
Robin: "I like that one."
Batman: "That one is culturally insensitive."
Puter: "Night Terror."
Robin: "What do we think of this?"
Puter: "Glambat."
Robin: "This one."
Batman: "Absolutely not!"
[the next costume is called ]"
Robin: [sees the Reggae Man costume] "Wait, what's that one there? [he puts it on] I love it. The only trouble is these pants are just a little tight. I got an idea. [takes off the pants] Rip! That's better. Now I'm free, now I'm moving. Come on, Batman, let's get grooving!"
[shaking his naked butt at Batman]
Batman: "I can only look you in the eyes right now."

Batman: "Hey, 'puter, I'm home."
Puter: "Welcome home, sir. Initializing Batcave music."

Batman: "Puter, how do I put The Joker in Arkham Asylum, quickest route, no freeways?"
[puter is in sleep mode]
Batman: "Puter, do you hear me?"
Alfred: "Hello, Master Bruce. I have just taken away your computer privilege."
Batman: "Gasp!"
Alfred: "Sir, it's time for you to stop this unhealthy behavior. You can't spend the rest of your life alone, dressed in black and staying up all night. Sir, you need to take responsibility for your life, and it starts by raising the young orphan you adopted."
Batman: "I'm sorry, I literally have no idea what you're talking about."
Alfred: "The young orphan you adopted at the gala."
Batman: "I thought I was being sarcastic."